


multitudes more than i ever thought or knew

by silent_h



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drabble Collection, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, One Shot Collection, there's more characters and ships actually but i don't wanna clog the tags so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:01:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 6,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23110630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silent_h/pseuds/silent_h
Summary: drabbles and aus and prompts
Relationships: The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 71





	1. this time, yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicidal idealisation  
> the timeless children canon divergence
> 
> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/611695770437058560/it-comes-down-to-just-the-doctor-and-the-master-in)

it comes down to just the doctor and the master in a room full of cybermen on the planet he razed to the ground _(for her he did it for her how can she live with that how could she ever live with that)_ and she knows that if she lets them go they’ll burn down the universe and she wouldn’t be the doctor if she let that happen. she couldn’t be.

so she presses the button.

nothing happens; it was a dud. he just wanted to see if she’d really do it.

he should be happy now, he should be ecstatic, but she collapses to the ground in a heap in front of him and he just— he can’t.

‘i wanted it,’ she says quietly. ‘i wanted—’ and he drops to his knees without a further thought, curling himself up as close to her as he can get without touching.

‘we’re the same,’ he says, wonderingly, his head full and empty at the same time, that ever-present yawning abyss seeping out through his every pore, and she laughs wetly. 

he finds himself laughing along, a mass of pained giggles that cause silver sparks to run across his skin.

‘of course we are,’ she says, through choked laughter. ‘that’s always been the _problem_.’


	2. everything that you think you know is a lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spyfall part 1 canon divergence
> 
> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/612328630857629696/oh-the-doctor-says-slowly-and-it-doesnt-sound)

_oh_ , the doctor says, slowly, and it doesn’t sound quite right to yaz’s ears.

 _yeah_ , o says, _that’s why i chose it_. his eyes flick towards yaz and ryan and graham, and there’s something familiar in his expression.

he looks scared, but— 

he looks scared for…them?

and then the doctor starts to laugh.

except she doesn’t, she _can’t_ , because yaz has heard the doctor laugh many times, and _it isn’t like this_. this laugh is sharp and broken and disjointed, and yaz has to stop herself from stepping back.

 _finally!_ the doctor crows, still shaking with laughter, and no, something’s…something’s wrong. _thought i was gonna be stuck with this_ forever.

the accent, she realises, suddenly. the doctor’s accent has changed. become sharper, somehow.

not just her accent.

the doctor’s straightened up, her whole body at sharp angles instead of the off balance lean yaz is used to, and, for the first time since yaz has met her, she’s _still._

 _honestly,_ the doctor says, _don’t know how do you do it, love,_ and she spins to face them, ignoring o’s _don’t,_ and this time yaz does step back.

the doctor’s eyes are manic and hungry and burning and her smile is sharp and curled up in a way that she’s never seen before and yaz doesn’t _understand._

 _of course not,_ the doctor says, and yaz realises with a jolt that she’d heard her thoughts, _of course you don’t. stupid, blundering apes, so easy to fool. is that why you collect them?_

the last part is aimed over her shoulder, at o, whose hands are clenching and unclenching at his sides.

 _doctor,_ ryan says, confused, and the doctor _laughs_ again.

 _no,_ and her smile is feral as she spins back around to face o. _why don’t you tell them my name,_ she says.

 _master,_ o says, and the doctor laughs and laughs and laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i love roleswap au so MUCH


	3. unredacted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the timeless children canon divergence
> 
> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/611615569550114816/the-masters-just-taken-the-cyberium-when-he-feels)

the master’s just taken the cyberium when he feels the psychic conversation he’d been having with the doctor snap shut. and he’s kinda pissed but kinda excited because honestly? he’d been expecting her not to wake for a while, but _now_ he gets to monologue! so he goes down to the room where he left her, and finds that the paralysing field has been shut off. the doctor is still just standing there, eyes closed.

‘finally awake, are we?’ he laughs, as he pushes out a tendril of _contact_ into the air and

and

there’s nothing there. not just a mental block, or a strong barrier, there’s _nothing_ , like he’s the only living creature in the room. 

‘doctor?’ he tries, and the doctor’s eyes snap open and they are _alien_. 

‘no,’ the doctor, the being, the timeless child with all of their billions of years of memories finally given back to them says. ‘not quite.’


	4. the best of times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a twelfth doctor fic
> 
> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/190745723380/a-short-400-words-twelfth-doctor-fic-youre)

you’re older now, and more tired, and god, everything is so _much_ this time around. sounds explode in your ears, and touches feel like fireworks against your skin. faces seem to blur together in your eyes and words don’t work for you as well as they used to.

you weren’t meant to have lived this long, and it’s almost like the universe is punishing you for it.

of course, there’s many more things the universe could be punishing you for, such as: the sheepish smile on your face as she picks up your dropped basket, the way your words stutter and slur as if your collision in this supermarket aisle was an accident, the halting way that you ask if she’s okay.

_could be better_ , donna says, _but no harm done._

(you selfish, _selfish_ , old time lord)

looking…how does she look?

_sorry_ , you say. you think you might’ve been quiet for too long; she looks— _i get distracted easily_ , you say. _everything’s so loud and bright here_ , you say.

she looks—

you can’t remember the word.

she smiles at you, and oh, because you used to be able to tell the emotion under that, didn’t you? she smiles at you and she takes the cuff of your jacket and then suddenly you’re outside on a bench, and maybe your disorientedness is only half a lie.

(but then, guilt always made it worse)

the word is _alive_ , she looks _alive_ , still softly smiling at you, and her words mix in your head.

_areyouokayyouwereflinching wasitthe lightsorthe noises orsomethingelseis it helpingifitalkcani touch you doyouwant me to call someone for you?_

you blink. retroactively add breaks between her words.

_now i am. both. it did. don’t. no, i’m fine now._

(liar)

she hums. she doesn’t call you out on your lie, and you pretend that that doesn’t hurt.

_i’m fine,_ you repeat. _you can leave._

instead, she sits next to you. there’s a finality to her actions, a solidness. your grasp on facial expressions seems…spotty, but you know this one well. you’d no more be able to make her move than you could stop a supernova.

still.

you have to pretend to try.

_weren’t you doing something,_ you say. it comes out flatter than you intended.

_s’alright_ , she says, making herself comfy next to you, slipping her bag off her shoulder and putting it on her knee instead, _didn’t really need milk anyway_.

she’s not lying.

(at least you don’t think she is; you can’t remember her tells)


	5. not wearing that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt: not wearing that, donna & 10 (technically it was donna & 13 but i misread the prompt dskjla)
> 
> [originally posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/182059853405/13-and-donna-10)

“Nope,” Donna says.

“ _But—_ ” the Doctor starts. His arms are outstretched, eyes wide, gearing up for another passionate speech.

“Did you not just hear the words that came out of my mouth, spaceman?”

“Word,” he corrects, deflating. Under his breath, obviously. He’s not an idiot.

She puts her hands on her hips. “I. Am. Not. Wearing. That.”

_That_ is the worst dress she has ever seen in her entire life. Apparently the bright and mismatched colours symbolise the creation of the universe; in Donna’s opinion it looks like someone drank the contents of an entire art store and then threw up onto a sheet of fabric. And that’s not even getting into the _frills_.

“But it’s _tradition_ ,” he whines.

As if either of them could ever be considered anything remotely near traditional.

“Well,” she says, in her haughtiest tone, “if you like it so much, _you_ wear it.”

He blinks, rocking back slightly, and then his eyes light up. “Oh! Of course!”

“I…was joking?” But he’s beaming, hands flapping with excitement, and, well. Problem solved then.

“Come on! We gotta go find you a suit!”

She watches as he dashes back into the depths of the wardrobe, and then shrugs. As long as she doesn’t have to wear that hideous thing she’s good. She’ll just have to make sure she doesn’t look directly at him for however long this sacred festival lasts. Though, if her suit ends up having more than two colours, she’s dragging him to another shopping planet after. Maybe then she can finally teach him what good clothes actually look like.

He pops back round the corner, arms full of something luridly green, and she winces. He’s probably a lost cause.


	6. just thinkin about donna accepting ten’s first offer and--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/182091246775/just-thinkin-about-donna-accepting-tens-first)

**just thinking about donna accepting ten's first offer and**

  * she makes him take her to a hospital first because shut up okay she wants to get vaccinated against various stuff first because who knows what kind of germs they have in space spaceman????
  * just her luck that the hospital they go to gets taken to the moon
  * it’s kind of a thing he does, ten says, not looking at donna, that when someone saves the world like martha did then he kind of?? offers them a trip?? maybe??? and donna’s like oh thank god it would be so much easier with another human don’t look at me like that martian i already love you but like. have you seen yourself
  * they pick up martha and it’s meant to be just one trip okay just one because he’s already got a new companion he doesn’t need another one
  * it’s more than one trip
  * donna yells at him every time he’s awful to martha because she’s spent so much time being treated as second best that she can’t stand for it to happen to someone else and martha’s never had anyone fight for her like this and it slowly builds up her own self esteem while also knocking ten’s ego down a few notches
  * one day donna yells very, very loudly at him and he’s like but i don’t mean to be like this i just really miss rose and she’s like i’m sorry but that’s not martha’s fault!! and ten apologises and takes martha to meet hippocrates and then florence nightingale because he’s better at actions than words
  * i mean he’s still a bit of a dick but like. less so now
  * martha and ten geek out over biology together which sometimes makes donna feel less intelligent but they also have ‘let’s see who can validate donna more’ competitions because they love her so much and they want her to see it too
  * they have to hold each other back from yelling at donna’s mum because they know it could cause more problems for her in the long run so instead they just make Very Pointed Comments and glare a lot
  * donna mercilessly teases martha over her crush on ten because like really?? _him???_ he’s so skinny what even is there to crush _on_
  * meanwhile ten teases martha over her crush on donna because martha jones is a helpless bisexual who falls in love at first glance and like have you seen donna noble
  * unfortunately ten and donna both have so much self loathing that they can’t imagine anyone would ever like them in that way
  * martha spends a lot of time sighing in her room while the tardis laughs in her head
  * donna and ten have this instant connection that martha’s sometimes a little jealous of because sometimes she feels like she’s thirdwheeling them but they just love each other so much that it’s hard to feel resentful
  * plus donna yells at ten if it looks like he’s leaving martha out
  * ten gets frustrated a Lot because martha and donna have all these human injokes and shared qualities and things he doesn’t understand and he’s constantly worried that he’s too alien for them and that they’re gonna leave him
  * this is obviously nonsense
  * the most scared martha ever is is when she’s alone in the shuttle on midnight as the doctor gets trapped by _something_ in his own body and there’s no way to contact donna and what if he dies while she stands by doing _nothing_ and
  * they don’t split up on adventures for a long while after that
  * ten: okay long story but we need to pretend to be normal humans for a while so i’m gonna hide us in 1913  
donna, who knows that martha probably won’t argue about that even though she’d be subjected to some really awful abuse in that time: Think Again  
ten: …….2020??  
donna: better
  * wilf adopts ten obviously but he also adopts martha. oh she already has a family?? tough. they don’t appreciate her so He Will. martha gets into the habit of picking up souvenirs for wilf on their travels along with the other two and he’s so ridiculously pleased by everything they get him
  * every now and again ten and donna end up having their own mini trips while martha’s taking exams because yes she knows it’s a time machine but like she won’t remember all this info forever okay?? they always go out to parties when they pick her back up to celebrate except ten and donna spend most of the party telling martha in extreme detail what they did so she doesn’t feel left out
  * jack and donna get on like a house on fire. ten is very jealous while martha rolls her eyes a lot
  * she tries to tease donna about her crush on jack and donna’s like excuse me you also have a crush on jack and so does the doctor and so does everyone who likes men and like. true
  * martha doesn’t have to walk the world alone because she has donna noble who is so full of life and anger and love and they keep each other alive over the long months and everything is so dark but donna _glows_ and
  * she dies
  * she dies and martha is alone and all she has is the promise of the doctor’s story and she’s so tired and she just hides away for a few weeks and stops
  * and then she keeps going
  * ten knows as soon as he sees martha standing alone on the valiant and he knows what will happen when the year reverses and he could never do anything permenant to the master but he. for a moment he
  * a gun near him and the master’s the reason donna died and he almost
  * he doesn’t. but it’s very close
  * the year reverses and donna’s alive but she doesn’t remember what happened and martha’s still alone and she just. she just can’t. holding a year that never happened _hurts_ and donna doesn’t understand and she looks at martha like there’s something fragile about her and maybe there is but she doesn’t want that and donna’s face is clear of pain but it was slack it was empty she was _dead_ and
  * she gives donna her phone. hugs her hard and tells her to expect a call sometime soon
  * she does the same to ten and then steps back to cup his face in her hand while they just look at each other. for the first time, they’re on the same page while donna watches them both, confused
  * _don’t ever let her go through something like that_ , she says, without words
  * _i won’t_ , he promises
  * and then she leaves. she has a family to look after and an equally traumatised immortal to find. maybe she’ll be fine. maybe
  * well, ten says, as he pilots them into the vortex, now what shall we-
  * and then the titanic crashes into the tardis



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i PROMISE i'll write this out properly one day


	7. solitary confinement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spyfall canon divergence
> 
> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/190971221875/so-skyfall-pt-1-ends-and-ada-never-shows-up-13)

so. spyfall pt 1 ends and ada never shows up & 13 is stuck in that place for uh. a while. the master breaks her out after a few centuries (for her. a week or so for him). and _does she see it now does she get it???? years trapped alone with only those four beats with only the sound of your heartbeats keeping you company no matter how you try to drown it out no matter what you do you keep screaming at the universe and no one hears you does she **UNDERSTAND**_

(and 12 had tried to lock missy up after all. solitary confinement. he’s only repaying the favour)

and look he can be nice, he can be good, see, he offers to drop her back in sheffield wouldn’t she like that? to see her friends?? her so called family?? those tiny little humans who still think the best of her after all this time, who wouldn’t understand, who wouldn’t survive seeing their untouchable hero in pain?? or she could stay with him. if she wanted. with the one person who gets it, who’s always understood them. who’s always been their friend

and of course she’s angry of course she’s hurt but, as he points out, _why be angry at him?_ he never ASKED for this he never WANTED this. that little boy who wanted to see the stars with his best friend didn’t want to be a monster. the time lords cut pieces of him out and stuck other bits in and twisted him all up until the only thing he could do was cause pain and isn’t it all their fault doctor?? that they’re in pain again??? like always??? and well. wouldn’t it be awful if it turned out they’d hurt them even more. if there was something else they’d done that she didn’t even know about. wouldn’t that just make you want to _burn_

and oh but what if idk what if they still somehow ran into ruth!doctor because _look at that doctor the time lords damaged you and hurt you and destroyed you so much and then they threw you away for a GOOD version for a version that isn’t damaged and yes of course it’s the time lords it must be them you know how they’re like we know how they’re like how they use you up until there’s nothing left and then they keep taking and taking and taking. and they stop you from changing time and then they do this?? maybe doctor. maybe you had the right thought. in the war. maybe the time lords don’t deserve to exist. maybe they’re the real evil the real bad guys the real monsters. and, doctor, aren’t you the one who fights the monsters? who defeats them??_

and of course they’re already dead and oh she should hate him she know she should but when she finds that out her first feeling is _joy_ is _relief_ ~~her second is grief. not for the planet, but for the chance. she wanted to be the one to do it~~

but also i’ve been thinking. about the master escaping the time lock when they fobwatched themselves. about the master being able to build paradox machines. about gallifrey being at so many rips in time that one more shouldn’t count right?? the doctor is so angry is so hurt is so sad ( _they did this to me too_ he says as she screams into the void because there must be someone someone can hear her she’s not alone she’s not she’s not and maybe he’s lying probably he’s lying but does it matter at this point when his mind is so open to her now that it might as well be her own) and well. not much trouble for him to take them back to before he destroyed it. they could. they could destroy it again. if she wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *files this under valeyard aus*
> 
> this one IS in fact being written out properly! i'm almost like a functioning writer!!


	8. of goodness and absolutism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/612305565717250048/so-theres-a-girl-shes-dark-skinned-and-shes)

so there’s a girl. she’s dark skinned and she’s clever and she’s always felt like an outsider. the only family she has is a foster mother who loves her even if she doesn’t quite understand her.

and there’s a planet. its people are clever and stupid and young and good and bad and they could be so much _more_.

not only could that world be _more_ it could prosper and it could flourish and all that needs to happen is for the girl to die.

and she volunteers, even! perhaps she doesn’t quite understand, perhaps she is volunteering out of love, perhaps she is too young for situations of this scale to really register, but she volunteers.

and one world vs one girl? is it really a choice?

now am i talking about the timeless child or am i talking about bill potts against the monks?

not that it matters. one world vs one girl? it should be the world, shouldn’t it? or so missy thinks. but the doctor _insists_ that that’s wrong, _insists_ that that choice wouldn’t be _good_.

but gallifrey made that choice. and the master thinks of the twelfth doctor in all their righteous glory, and he decides that if that choice was not _good_? then gallifrey should be _punished_.

(the doctor looks upon the burned corpse of gallifrey and weeps and no matter how hard they try the master will never be _good_ enough for them will they)


	9. space granddad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [originally posted here (like 10 mins ago lmao)](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/612713276756852736/okay-so-hc-that-thirteen-likes-to-root-through)

okay so hc that thirteen likes to root through charity shops and one day she runs into bill in one. **  
**

they bump into each other while looking through tshirts and thirteen just freezes (bill also freezes because _oh no this very pretty woman who’s covered in rainbows is very close to my face_ ). bill ends up panicking and saying some awful chat up line and thirteen can’t help it she just like nervously laughs (tbf its really bad) and is like _youre……adorable but uh it wouldn’t work ok bye_. and she leaves because that’s what the doctor does when they panic.

except

when they bumped into each other

the sonic fell out of her pocket.

and it’s very clearly something weird & alien, so bill takes it to twelve.

twelve takes one look at it and is like _what did he look like_ and bill’s like _um she(?) was wearing like bright colours and braces?_

twelve, mentally: oh cool am i female presenting?

also twelve: bRACES AGAIN????? WHY??????

he just puts the screwdriver in his office safe and figures that future him will come and get it when he’s not there and he’s like _ehh it’ll be fine bill don’t worry about it_ which like technically true?

but bill still wants to Know so she hangs around twelve’s office when he’s not there hoping she can catch the woman again when she comes back for it.

and, a couple of weeks later, she does.

i mean first of all she. she falls in through the window

and she like crawls on all fours over to the safe and she probably throws a lil roll in there too and she thinks she’s being super sneaky.

and she gets her screwdriver out the safe and turns round and sees bill sat at twelve’s desk.

thirteen: …..how long were you…?

bill: the whole time

thirteen: **ah.**

and the thing is, bill’s really smart okay? she’s smart and she’s quick and she’s had a few weeks to think about why the doctor knew it was a screwdriver straight away and why he knew the person that left it but not what they looked like and why he was so adamant that they wouldn’t turn up while he was there

(and she’s especially been thinking about the look the stranger gave her before they fled the shop. that quick glance of complete and utter _loss_ )

she still wasn’t 100% sure but now the stranger’s looking at her again and it’s the same look and

_you’re him,_ she says the doctor. _aren’t you._

thirteen smiles and it’s the same quiet but fiercely proud smile twelve makes whenever bill does something that impresses him

_you always were so smart,_ she says. _well. apart from that one essay, but ill let it slide._

it’s not a _yes_ , but then, bill thinks, she wouldn’t be the doctor if she’d given a straight answer, would she?

there are so many things she wants to ask, but she knows that they probably won’t be answered, so instead she just asks one thing

_i know you’re a different person now but. are we still friends?_

and thirteen just laughs. _always,_ she says, _and forever._


	10. 13 + Amy + bookstore + childhood friends + “you have the emotional capacity of a brick.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iamdeltas asked: 13 + Amy + bookstore + childhood friends + “you have the emotional capacity of a brick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/613508512553828352/13-amy-g-au-g-trope-e-prompt)
> 
> (plus obligatory, yeah i write prompts. yeah it takes me forever)

“You can’t talk; didn’t it take ya like, ten years to realise that Rory was in love with you,” they mutter, from under the counter.

“Yeah, and it took _you_ like, nine,” she mutters back. “Glass houses, raggedy man.”

Amy’s on the till today, and very annoyed about it. Most days she _adores_ her job, adores speaking to people about their favourite books and rearranging the shelves in different ways and picking elaborate themes to redecorate the whole store around.

She does _not_ like counting out change. 

That’s why, when they first planned out this whole venture, it was with the explicit understanding that _John_ would be in charge of all the numbers shit (with the occasional help of rory whenever they landed herself in the a&e again trying to like. rewire her house at 3am or something) and Amy didn’t even have to _look_ at the till.

And then John realised that she’s been completely head over heels for Amy’s weird older cousin since they first met her _decades_ ago, which translated to them hiding under the till every time she’s in the store.

Which is unfortunate, because River is their fucking _manager._

“Is she gone yet,” John hisses, loud enough that everyone in the shop can hear them.

Including River, who’s leaning against the other side of the counter with such an embarrassingly indulgent smile that it honestly makes Amy feel a little nauseous.

“Thanks for the help, Amy,” River says. She grins. “Tell John I’m sorry I missed them.”

“ _Well_ ,” Amy starts, and then jumps when John jabs her pointy little fingers into her thigh. “Yeah,” she says, rubbing at the sore spot. “I’ll tell her _something_ alright.”

(amy’s pretty sure that they spent all night digging through the rubbish bins again, and if that little shit has given her tetanus or something then she _will_ kill her)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #amy is co manager technically but her official title is head bitch #it's the only thing she'll respond to #you can tell this is an au bc it only took thirteen 20 odd years to realise that she was in love dskjlads


	11. spydoc, soulmate!au, enemies to lovers, “do you ever feel like you’re far away no matter where you are?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked: Drabble prompt!: The Doctor and Master (writer’s choice of incarnations), soulmate!au, enemies to lovers, “do you ever feel like you’re far away no matter where you are?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/613515079185498112/drabble-prompt-the-doctor-and-master-writers)

“well, yeah,” you say. “literally always.”

you sigh dramatically, hoping it’ll get her to crack a smile. she doesn’t even look up from her lap.

she’s been maudlin all evening, which is what usually happens when you’re feeling good. you’re like different ends of a seesaw: always pushed to the extreme opposite state of the other. it’s why you hated each other on sight.

or at least, you used to. you’re working on it.

(you, singular. not that she knows.

the standard agreement since you’d clawed your way kicking and screaming into something that resembles a friendship has always been that you don’t talk about certain things, such as the therapy you dared each other into starting, or the fact that you’ve been using said therapy to talk about _her_.

she probably knows anyway, the same way that you know that she had a panic attack ten minutes into her first session and never went back, and that she’s spent the past year pretending she still goes. 

god, you’re both so _fucked_ )

“you’re bringin’ me down here, love,” you huff, putting your chin into your hands. 

you stare at her, eyes wide. eye contact is important for establishing trust, and other bullshit that the wankers at your school tried to drum into your head, like anything could make _you_ more trustworthy. not that it matters, since her eyes are still focused on her hands as she twists them around each other.

“you don’ lie to me,” she says, and you burst into giggles before you can help it.

she rolls her eyes. “about things that matter,” she amends.

“sure,” you say. “if that helps you to sleep at night. why? you wanna ask me somethin’? is it about that mop of straw you call hair, because i’ve told you _many_ times that it’ll take me like, twenty mins, _tops_ , to sort that shit out for you—”

“what’s so wrong with me that they don’ want me?”

oh.

(nothing. there is nothing _wrong_ with her. she is irritating and she is self righteous and she is equal parts too loud and too quiet and she lives off too much sugar and expired milk and she only showers every other week and she doesn’t own a hairbrush and she refuses to dress like an adult and she is _perfect_ she is worth _so_ much more than that fucking worthless piece of shit of a soulmate who has refused to respond to any of the thousands of messages that she’s written on her skin)

“well for starters,” you say, instead, “you can’t dress for _shit_.”

 _that_ finally gets a startled laugh, and you grin back.

“bastard,” she says, fondly.

(she is worth so much more than _you_ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i,,,,,,,may expand this bc i maybe plotted out a whole plotline whoops
> 
> (i've seen ppl who didn't get what i was implying here so to make it clear: ye they're soulmates ye o knows this no john does not and no i am not taking criticism on their names thank you)


	12. 13 & mickey, travel!au, fake dating, "i would rather [not] eat expired spam"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked: If you are really doing this prompt thing, which sounds like a dream come true, would a travel!au, fake dating and "i would rather eat expired spam" with Thirteen be possible ? With whomever, shippy or not, I completely trust you
> 
> [i read this as ‘i would rather NOT eat expired spam’ i am SO sorry but i’m not changing it dskladas]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/613611778939797504/if-you-are-really-doing-this-prompt-thing-which)

“your loss,” she shrugs, taking another bite.

well. more of a _slurp_ really.

“please don’t throw up in martha’s car.”

“cross my hearts,” she says, before licking the tin clean. she hisses as she nicks her tongue on the edge, and then pokes at the cut with a finger.

jesus. the doctor you’d first known hadn’t always seemed to realise he had a body, always bumping into things and forgetting to eat or sleep, and the second one had been near obsessed with his appearance. you’re not sure where this one lands on that scale, but you’ve known her for two days now and you’ve yet to see her eat anything edible or acknowledge the existence of wet wipes.

still. she’d rewired martha’s radio two minutes into the trip (it now only picks up the venusian heavy metal that she’s now bobbing along to as she waggles her tongue back and forth) and she’d done _something_ to the engine that meant its petrol consumption decreased by 90% (“uh, maybe don’t tell anyone about this, ‘kay, mickey boy?”).

she’s different, but they’re the same, really. 

which is why, as you pull to a stop at the traffic lights you say, “sorry, by the way.”

“wuh,” she mumbles. her eyes flick to meet yours in the rear view mirror for a second before darting away. “did ya do somethin’?”

you snort. “i’m just sorry you got lumped with me instead of martha.”

she hadn’t mentioned she was female presenting now (you think? she hadn’t corrected the use of _she_ in any case) when she’d replied _yeah sure_ to martha’s _i need an expert in alien tech to be my plus one to a sketchy group’s party and could he please help?_ message.

which shouldn’t matter, except the sketchy group are the traditional sort (translation: homophobic bastards) so martha and the doctor pretending to be married wouldn’t exactly fly with them.

so she gets stuck with you instead.

the doctor blinks, rapidly, before echoing what you just said. her voice curls up at the end, so you assume it’s a question.

you shrug in response. “you picked rose to travel with you,” you point out, “and you picked martha. you never picked _me_.”

it took a while for that to stop stinging, but you’ve come to terms with it by now. 

(it helps that you’re surrounded by jack and martha. the leftovers, jack calls you, when he’s in one of his worse moods)

the lights go yellow as the doctor wriggles in her seat; you release the handbrake.

“i let you come aboard,” she says, finally.

“yeah, i know. i just said—”

“no, no, i—” she huffs out an annoyed noise. one of her hands reaches out to tap the glove department in a frantic pattern.

“’s okay, boss,” you say, gently, “i get it. it’s like, rose asked you to keep jack, right? and she told me about that other bloke. adam, or somethin’, yeah? sometimes you don’t choose—”

“rose wanted him,” she says, stiltedly. “i would’ve— for rose i would’ve done— but she didn’ want _you_. but i let you come aboard. anyway. because i— because you—”

oh.

_oh._

“you. you wanted me? there? really?”

(you’re a fucking bounty hunter with an amazingly badass wife and an immortal best friend and you shouldn’t still be this affected by whether the doctor actually cares about you)

“yeah,” she says, still in that haltering way. “‘course. we’re mates, aren’t we?”

(but you are. of course you are)

“yeah,” you say. you clear your throat a few times. “yeah, we’re mates.”

she hums, hand finally stilling.

(are they

are they affected too? by if you care about _them?_ )

you meet her eyes in the rear view mirror. they’re old and deep and _alien_. they’re also wet.

“think there might be some crisps in there, by the way.”

“oh!” you watch her rummage around in the glove compartment out of the corner of your eye before she makes an excited hiss. “hula hoops! score!”

you look over and— yep. she’s swallowed the packet whole.

(god, you can’t _wait_ to pretend to be her husband in a room full of snooty rich bastards)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mickey: it's ok i know you only let me stay bc of rose  
> thirteen: oh no rose couldn't give two shits about you lmao


	13. missfle + roommates (oh my god they were roommates) + enemies to lovers, “i don’t even think i want to know”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked: missy and clara + roommates (oh my god they were roommates) + enemies to lovers, “i don’t even think i want to know”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: violence
> 
> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/615229587473022976/missy-and-clara-roommates-oh-my-god-they-were)

“of course you do, pup,” missy says, mouth stretching into one of Those Grins, the kind with Teeth. “go on, ask.”

“no,” you say, and she tuts.

“ _ask_ ,” she repeats, and she reaches out and jerks the man’s head back so sharply that he jolts into consciousness.

he cries out against his gag, and she giggles, eyes still fixed on you.

(you have to look back at her, you _have_ to. you can’t look into _his_ eyes because if you do you will see the pain and fear and you will remember that it makes you feel—)

“what did he do?”

that’s something you should say, right? that’s something you should care about?

“oh, something _dreadfully_ naughty,” she hums.

(she says that about all of them, as if she _cares_.

or has she really started only taking contracts like these since you found out about her other job? does she—? does she care about what you think? 

or is this just another ploy to stop you from going to the police?)

“is that the truth?”

the man makes a muffled negative sounding noise; missy cocks her head to the side, like a bird. like a predator. “do you want me to tell you that it is?”

no. yes. _no_.

what you _want_ is for things to go back to the way they were, before you advertised for a roommate, before you allowed this death soaked _creature_ into your life.

(your _boring stifling_ life where you ached and strained and raged at the neat walls that boxed you in and you buried deep down the perverse pleasure you got every time you saw someone get hurt)

“i don’t care,” you say, finally, and the joy that blossoms across missy’s face is almost as beautiful as the way the man _shrieks_ as she wraps her hands over his face and digs her thumbs into his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ye i wrote this just before killing eve s3 was released how did you know


	14. spydoc, soulmates AU; meet messy; “that was a very bad idea. 0/10 would not recommend.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked: For the prompt fill (if you’re still doing it): soulmates AU; meet messy; “that was a very bad idea. 0/10 would not recommend.”; Thirteen and Dhawan!Master since I need their feral chaos in my life. Thank you!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/615232182392406016/for-the-prompt-fill-if-youre-still-doing-it)

“i’ll keep that in mind,” you say, and she jumps so sharply that she almost topples over, dropping the box she was carrying.

“oh!” she says, as she bends over and picks it back up. “sorry! didn’ know anyone was there. pretty sure s’just me bein’ fired today.”

it is. and thank fuck she’s no longer working here, since you really don’t feel like explaining to any workers why you’re skulking around the back of a warehouse right now.

“so you were just…talking to yourself?”

“only way to guarantee intelligent conversation,” she says, as she turns around, and she’s—

and you—

and— 

“oh,” she says. “you too?”

and how the _fuck_ can she still be talking when your world (and hers, it seems) has just burst into _colour_?

and _christ_ , what colour it is. you’d never understood what _clashing_ meant before and you kind of wish you still didn’t; you can’t count all the different colours on her clothes. her hair is pale, so, yellow? no, _blonde_. and her eyes are—

“what kind of bullshit colour are your eyes.”

(god, you wish you’d said _anything_ else)

she grins, weakly. “hazel. s’what i’ve been told, anyway. yours are just,” she squints, “kinda brown, i think? nice though.”

“ _though?_ ”

“no, i mean, i meant—” she huffs, blowing a piece of hair out of her face. 

(it’s darker at the roots, you realise. you want to run it through your hands. you want to grab it tightly and never ever let go.

you _want_ — )

“i’m o.”

she blinks, and then she _smiles_ (and how surprising it is that there’s no colour to it. it feels as though there should be an explosion of _something_ with how much that smile makes you feel). “john.”

and you see in her eyes (her fucking _hazel_ eyes) the same tiredness you feel whenever someone questions your name, and the same bone deep _hurt_ that’s chased you all your life, and the faint spark of _madness_ that you’ve never been able to shake.

(and _oh_ , you think you love her)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #what's o doing there? nothing good #(i don't use the word 'mad' in this context but It's What He Calls Himself)


	15. spydoc, college!au, exes, "it's been so long since we did this.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked: dhawan master/13 college!au exes "it's been so long since we did this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm, intrusive thoughts
> 
> [first posted here](https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/615323207090814976/dhawan-master13-collegeau-exes-its-been-so)

“and whose fault is that?”

his eyebrow rises; you’re self aware enough to know that your tone is maybe a hair too sharp than you’d let it be normally, that you’re in a bad mood. it’s his fault. it’s always his bloody fault.

and now you’re stuck on a whole month-long project with him, with no way of swapping partners.

“what did i do this time?”

god, you want to take that self satisfied look on his face and smash it into a— 

no. civilised thoughts only. you think of ryan and yaz and graham, and the trusting way that they smile at you in tutorials. you can’t sink down to his level, not again. you are better than him. you _are_.

still. he really deserves to be yelled at this time.

“ _really_ , kos? already forgotten that fuckin’ meeting with the head i had to go to?”

he snickers; you dig your fingernails into your palms. “you have to admit, that _was_ funny.”

“you got me accused of cheatin’! you could’ve tanked my whole degree!”

“like i said,” he says, smile stretched too wide. “funny.”

you don’t reply, if only because you’re pretty sure that if you open your mouth you’ll end up tearing that fucking smirk off his face with your teeth.

he sighs. like he _cares_. like he gives a shit about anything outside of his inflated ego and his selfish lying ass.

“you used to be so much _fun_ , thete. what happened.”

“i was never _your_ idea of fun—” your fists are shaking by your sides; you stuff them into your pockets and hope he didn’t notice.

he laughs, humourlessly. “you mean you got so enamoured of a bunch of freshers that you started believing that you really _are_ the sane boring bitch—”

“ _watch yourself._ ”

“—that they think you are. but, love, we both know better, don’t we?”

(when he finally walks away, you uncurl your hands. you’ve reopened the cuts again. you don’t think they’ll get the chance to heal before the project’s done)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #ironically they're studying for their phds #13's tutoring the fam

**Author's Note:**

> come speak to me on tumblr @yesokayiknow :D


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